Seven Characteristics of the Modern Man-Child

As I wrote my first horrid dating story I realized most of you probably have a different perception of what a modern man-child is and from my experience with these creatures they come in many different physical forms. Although they look different they all have eerily similar actions. I have dated a broad spectrum of males and they all at some point did a combination of these things:

1. They take advantage of your interest in them

When a man-child can sense you are far more interested in them they use that to their advantage. They often walk all over you because they know they can push the boundaries. They will cancel on dates at the last minute, “forget their wallets”, and treat you like you should be worshiping the ground they walk on, etc. They will basically do anything they can to push the limits because they know you will forgive them, or “you’re a cool chick” and don’t care. At least from my experience this is more of an overarching topic they will do A LOT of what’s to follow.

 

2. Say they are different

UGH. DO NOT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THIS. Okay… well I guess I should. TURN AROUND THE MOMENT ANY GUY SAYS HE IS DIFFERENT. Chances are he is worse than anyone you have come across. This phrase seems to be a favorite for man-children. I swear to all that is great in this world, THE ONLY TIME I have heard these words I have ended up with the WORST experiences. I have legitimately ended up in an abusive relationship because of those words. YOU’RE RIGHT ASSHOLE YOU ARE NOT LIKE ANY OF THE OTHER GUYS, you’re fucking worse. WORSE, I SAY! Just cut the cord if these words are muttered, or most likely texted because who actually talks anymore.

**ROLLS EYES SO FAR BACK I CAN SEE MY BRAIN**

 

3. Ghosting

From my first blog, everyone should know how awesome my experience with ghosting is! Ghosting is by far my least favorite aspect of a man-child. If you don’t know what ghosting is you’re lucky! HA


ghost·ing

/ˈɡōstiNG/

  1. the appearance of a ghost or secondary image on a television or other display screen.
  2. the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.

Clearly in this context I am referring to the second definition. If you’ve never been ghosted you deserve an award, and I NEED to know your secrets. This is the one characteristic that pisses me off more than anything. WHY can you not grow some balls and just be like “hey, sorry I am not really interested” or “Sorry I am seeing someone else” or WHATEVER your stupid ass excuse is. Just grow a pair for like five seconds. An adult ass woman would be like, “cool… this sucks but thanks for being honest.” NO ONE LIKES BEING IGNORED. IT’S THE FIRST WAY TO PISS ANYONE OFF. Ignore my ass, and BUZZ-BUZZ mother fucker, I will blow up that phone until you respond or until I am done being angry over your childish ass. Petty can be my middle name.

 

4. Poor communication

This bad boy goes right along with ghosting. Look ladies, it’s obvious, if a guy wants to talk to you he will, but one of the most common things with the modern man-child is that he like to play games. They like to conveniently forget to text you or call you. Completely disappear before you are supposed to hang out and reemerge like nothing happened a few days after bailing on plans. They lack substance to their conversations and LOVE talking about vapid things. Talking to a man-child almost make me feel like I am losing brain cells, but somehow I STILL MANAGE TO GET INVOLVED WITH THESE SCUMBAGS. They also hate talking about problems. I don’t get what is so hard about going, “hey, you did this and it really upset me.” TALK TO ME IF I DID SOMETHING THAT UPSET YOU. Don’t ignore me. Tell me what is wrong so we can talk about it and fix it, but NOPE you would rather pretend like nothing is wrong and explode later OR just ghost me until you’re over it but still let that little bitch marinate in the back of your brain.

5. Controlling

Now, I am not talking about the “don’t talk to that dude” kind of controlling; that is just having respect for your significant other by not indulging in other men. This kind of controlling is when they control who you spend your time with; suddenly you aren’t allowed to hang out with your family or friends because it will make them mad. They control your style; you cannot wear something you love anymore because they say you look like a slut or they don’t want other guys to look at you. They control your social media; you cannot post anything without them making a comment or getting upset. Those are just some ways some of the man-children I have dated have tried to control me. Obviously, there are other ways but they like to have the upper hand, they like to make you feel inferior, and like you are their property. Man-children are afraid of their partner being an equal, and prefer all the power when it comes to the relationship.

6. Crazy Ex-Girlfriends

Now we all know that guys that says every ex-girlfriend is crazy. Well… did you stop to think why all these girls are “crazy?” What is the only thing they have in common? OH, YUP THE SAME SHITTY DUDE. Well when any guy refers to his ex as crazy it is an immediate red flag for me. Why was she crazy? Was it legit, or were you just a total ass clown to her and YOU made her crazy? HMMMMM? Did you ignore her for days after telling her you loved her? Did you ignore her and blatantly talk to other girls? Come on, what was it? Yes, there are some girls that are legit crazy… I know a few myself but a majority of the time that is not the case. I have noticed most dudes who talk about their previous sexual partners and ex-girlfriends all too frequently to be emotionally stunted and have a mental void. NO GIRL YOU ARE TALKING TO WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT HOW YOU STUCK YOUR SMALL DICK IN SALLY SUE’S ASS AND SHE LOVED IT. NAH DAWG, JUST NAH. Yes, I am not a moron. I know you have probably plowed half of the people I know, and even more of the ones I don’t, BUT I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT. Ignorance is bliss, and when it comes to your exes and sexual partners I like to keep it that way. Guys who don’t understand this are Grade-A fuckboys.

 

7. Does Not Like Labels

This screams commitment issues, and I want to fuck around with other girls. Now this might not be the case for everyone, but EVERY guy I have ever dated that said “I don’t like labels” just didn’t like having a label with me. They had no problem with the following girls, but HE WASN’T REEAADYYY (please read in Kevin Hart’s voice) when it came to me. Guys who are afraid of commitment are children. They have not developed or matured enough to not be so self-centered. Being in a relationship is not easy, and if you are not willing to make sacrifices you should not be in one. I have found it to be the biggest fuckboy excuse for being able to see multiple people at the same time. Now, if you’re cool with that good for you, but if you have reached the “shit or get off the pot” stage not being exclusive is something that is a real issue.

 

Honestly, I could go on for days with characteristic but I have spent too long writing this post and let’s be honest… no one wants to read 50 characteristics of man-babies. I will most likely add more later, but for now I feel like this accurately depicts the fuckery that comes along with dating in our era and what some characteristics of the modern man-child are. I hope this was eye opening/relatable in some sense or at least kind of funny because this would have been a total waste of time if it’s not. Kind of like my dating life… HA ZINGER.

 

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