The Bi-Stander

Ghosted, yet again.

This seems to be a common trait when it comes to dating in this era. It never starts out that way, but seem to follow the same pattern. Text, gain interest, hangout, develop feelings, and then completely disappear with no explanation. I am starting with this story because it’s so fresh, so let me introduce you to the Bi-Stander.

This whole encounter started back when Myspace fell apart and Facebook emerged the victor. Somehow we became friends on Facebook, there was casual conversation over the course of 10 years. The Bi-Stander would come to the rescue when any sappy post was made, when I was vulnerable and then would slip away into cyber darkness. That should have been my first red flag, but I have depression and enjoy attention.

I somehow STILL haven’t learned my lesson.

Around Thanksgiving, I had been talking to The Limelight, but that’s for a later story. When this came to a screeching halt, guess who was there to comfort me while I complained about yet another man-child. I’ll give you one guess… Still can’t think of it? Come on… Yes, there we go, the Bi-Stander. I never thought anything of it because he had recently gotten out of a long-term relationship with a guy. YUP, A MAN. So, in my mind I thought he was gay, well more so Bi. This should have been the second red flag. BUT NO. My brain was like “Nah girl, don’t even sweat it. Double the competition and more people for him to cheat on you with. YOU GOT THIS.” Totally rational, right, because that’s how my brain works.

So, I give him my number on December 282016 (No I am not that creepy I had to look it up). The casual conversations about life, you dreadfully have with every person you are getting to know, began. What do you do? Where do you work? What are your goals? Etc. Etc; you know the good stuff. This happened for some time and then Bi-Stander starts kicking up the flirting, and was asking to hangout. Now I am not a moron, I know when someone is interested, but the back of my mind was screaming “BITCH, HE LIKES DUDES.” I, of course, shrugged it off and thought nothing of it.

As you can see… I’m a full blown dumb ass when it comes to listening to myself.

Regardless, I hang out with the Bi-Stander, and surprisingly I was interested in this guy. He was 6’5” fit but still with some pudge, just how I like it, AND could hold a full blown interesting conversation. Winner, Winner, Chicken dinner, or so I thought. We kept talking all day, every day and would hang out on a regular basis. One night when he was sick I came over to take care of him like the awesome and caring gal I am. What I found out recently is that he told me he loved me that night, but I apparently didn’t hear it, oops. Mind you, this isn’t something I find incredibly weird since I have known the Bi-Stander for a long time. Then a few days later my mind was like, “you’ve got a good thing going why don’t we kick up the depression and see what happens.”

Just my luck.

I explained to him I have depression that I refuse to get treated because I don’t want to be a zombie. It’s not that hard to manage, but that sometimes it gets nasty and I needed some time away from him. When I get depressed I get snappy, and I am annoyed by almost everything and I didn’t want to take it out on him because I genuinely liked this dude a lot.


The Bi-Stander still ends upset with me, and becomes weary of everything. Mind you it was only for two weeks that we didn’t hang out, BUT we still texted every day although not as much. We start hanging out again and everything was going great, until it wasn’t. It was within a night that it got weird. He stopped texting as much, he stopped sending me selfies every day, and he just became very cold and short with his words. Me being the adult-ish person I ask, “Hey, is there someone else in the picture now because I have noticed a change.” I wasn’t being crazy just merely asking a question, but I got the same sappy, “No babe you’re the only one I am talking to, you’re perfect, you’re amazing etc.”


So, my dumb ass ignores that feeling in my stomach, and I’m thinking, “fuck, now I look crazy.” I hate that’s what happens when someone is being shitty and you call them out, you are the crazy one. This game proceeded for weeks, and in the mean time I had told him I loved him and all that other sweet horse shit that comes along with feelings. Well as he got more distant I began to explore interest in other people because we never established what we were and it’s easier to get over someone when you have people to keep you distracted.

His birthday is the day before Valentine’s Day and at this point he was making excuses not to hang out with me. I was putting in all the effort; red flag number 1000 at this point. I forced him to see me so I could bring him the awesome Funko Pop Deathwing I had bought him for his birthday. I knew when this son-of-a-bitch was more interested in the present than seeing me this was ending, but this garbage was strung out for the rest of the week, “babe this, babe that, babe babe babe…” Well I got drunk Thursday night, and I’m a little aggressive when I am drunk. I called the Bi-Stander and told him I was coming over and we were having a talk. I apparently like to spill out my guts when I am liquored up. Reflecting back on this, I should have just taken the loss and cut the cord when I knew it was falling apart, but everything happens for a reason right?

After our talk, he texts me Friday morning saying the feels so much better that he got shit off his chest, and everything seems back to normal. We exchange I love you’s that Friday and he goes to San Antonio for paintball, and then shit hits the fan. Friday night I get ignored, pretty much all day Saturday, and then completely on Sunday.



I literally haven’t spoken to the Bi-Stander since Saturday with no explanation to this madness. At this point I just find this whole situation hilarious, and unfortunate. The only thing that bothers me about this whole thing is the fact that I don’t have closure, but that’s what seems to happen when people fade away and ghost you.  I apparently have a sign on my forehead that says “Strictly Scumbags.”



  1. Omg please write more! I love reading these stories! I had a recent experience of going out with a manager of a STRIP CLUB, him treating me like a princess, buying me tons of gifts, introducing me to people, asking to see me everyday, talking about future plans with me.. and guess what… attempts to ghost me and then tells ME that I was “going too fast and scared him” what the literal fuck. 😂 I should have known though… an almost 40 year old man who manages a strip club and has no baggage (divorced, kids) except commitment issues!

    Liked by 1 person

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